Is it Worth it?
by Gazing on the Arabesque
Summary: While Itachi lies in bed, fevered and hysterical, he questions his motives for commiting his various crimes. Is it really worth it? Should he have told Sasuke the truth? Contains manga spoilers. PLEASE REVIEW!


**This is my first Naruto fic. I'll need as many reviews as I can get! Flames accepted!**

XX

Itachi dragged his feet to the kitchen. Deidara sat at the table, painting his nails. Sasori and Hidan were at the stove preparing breakfast for the criminal organization. Kisame was seated at the table away from Deidara, playing a game of cards with Kakuzu. Zetsu sat quietly in a corner. What else was there for him to do? Pein sat away from everyone else at the table, his eyes fixed on papers of some sort. Konan sat next to him, her chin resting on her hands, a bored expression on her face. She seemed to be the only one who acknowledged Itachi's arrival. "Good morning, Itachi-san."

"Hn," Itachi replied as he took a seat next to her. He rested his head in his arms. For some reason, he felt strange today. It felt like someone was constantly tickling his nose with a feather and his throat felt like a cat's scratching post. Above all else, it was FREEZING… even though the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He shivered lightly as he waited for his food. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Konan staring at him.

"Itachi-san…" she started. "Are you all right?"

"Hn," he replied again. Konan didn't wait for a proper reply. She placed her white hand on Itachi's forehead. It blazed under her ice cold skin. "_Why_ is your hand so cold?" Itachi whispered, his shivers becoming more visible. Konan ignored his rhetorical question.

"Itachi-san, you're burning up. You should go lie down."

"Hn."

"Itachi—" He cut her off before she could continue.

"Fine." Itachi stood up, cursing Konan and her stupid curiosity. He fell back onto his bed and pulled the covers over his head. Why, _why_ did he have to do all this? Why did he have to kill his clan and join Akatsuki? Was it even worth it?

_Is it worth it?_

Itachi cursed himself for asking such a stupid question. Uchihas were supposed to be emotionless; they never went back on their word, and they never looked back. He wasn't supposed to be feeling such things.

_Is it worth it?_

Images of his family crossed his mind. His mom… Whenever he was sick, she'd always sit by him, a bowl of steaming soup in her hands. She loved him for who he was, not for his strength, his looks, or anything else. His dad… He would always praise him and give him… well… _guy advice_… Sasuke… _Sasuke…_ His little brother… the one whom he spared during the Uchiha massacre out of pure love… Sasuke would hate him forever; there was no doubt about it. Sasuke would hate him because he _wanted_ him to.

_Is it worth it?_

The Uchiha manor… his home… Konoha… his village… How could people like Deidara and Sasori so heartlessly abandon their homes? Did they feel any remorse? How could they live with the pain… the homesickness? Didn't they miss their families at all?

_Flashback:_

_Itachi was exhausted. He had just completed a B-rank mission and was ready to collapse any minute. Itachi dragged his feet through the door. "Nii-san!" Something grabbed his waist and hugged it tightly. Itachi looked down to see Sasuke, his eyes closed, a look of contentment upon his face. "You're home!" Itachi couldn't help smiling. Everything seemed a little brighter with Sasuke around. _

_"Let him go, Sasuke." Mikoto said, smiling. "You poor thing, you must be exhausted." She led him over to the table. Sasuke jumped next to him._

_"How was the mission, Nii-san?" _

_"Good." A warm feeling enveloped him. Everything was going to be fine._

_End flashback._

Itachi felt tears in his eyes. What was wrong with him? Why was he showing emotion so suddenly?

_Is it worth it?_

Was it really worth all the pain? Was it worth living in misery to ensure the safety of his home village? Itachi shut his eyes, trying to think. It was too late to turn back now. If only he could calmly explain everything to Sasuke… no. Sasuke would never believe him. _He_ was the one who started all this. _He_ was the one who lied to his little brother to protect him from the harsh truth.

"Itachi-san…" Itachi's eyes flew open. He felt something cold make its home on his forehead. He put his hand to his forehead, only to find a wet towel. Itachi turned his head, and his eyes met Konan's.

"Konan…" He tried to hide the waver in his voice, but failed. Konan closed her eyes and sighed.

"You poor thing… you have a fever… Actually, Kisame was supposed to check up on you, but Kakuzu wouldn't let him leave. Deidara was too busy admiring his nails, Sasori and Hidan wouldn't leave the stove, and I didn't want to disturb Pein." Itachi shut his eyes again. He was so tired.

"What about Zetsu?" he asked absentmindedly.

"I don't think he knows anything about medicine." Itachi reopened his eyes and looked back up at Konan.

"Konan…" She raised her eyebrows.

"Yes?"

"Do you… do you regret joining Akatsuki?" Konan closed her eyes in thought, contemplating his words.

"Somewhat… why? Do you?" Itachi stared down; he wouldn't answer. Konan's heart skipped a beat as she changed the subject. Itachi was definitely sick. "I think this fever's getting to your head. Get some sleep." She pulled the covers all the way up to his nose slightly caressed his burning cheek. For the first time in years, Itachi knew what it felt like to be taken care of… he never expected it to be done by Konan, though. Konan slowly walked to the door and looked back pitifully at Itachi.

_Poor guy… I think he misses his home…_

XX

**So? How was it? Itachi is one of my favorite characters. He deserved a lot more than he got. PLEASE REVIEW!!**


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